The unseen tears

Bismillahirrahmanirahim...

     Who knows sometimes behind those smile and laughter there's 1001 pain hidden. You never know how many tears has been hold to keep you moving ahead. Smiling is the only way to keep you moving forward. Even though you hurt you will still have to take a step to keep moving in life. No matter how painful life can be, no one will know the pain except for you. Life is so unfair sometimes. 

      Not many people like to listen to others problem. They will get bored, annoyed and at the end of the day HATE! That's what I think. It happens not once nor twice but few times. It makes me think will there actually be anyone who you could share your problem to , and in the end will still love you the way you are. Maybe its just best to conceal everything. Hold it in. No matter how painful it can be. No matter how much pain you have to endure it alone. Because you the one who facing the problem, why should you put burden on other people right? You share it so your burden is lighten and could be that it is transfer to others. Isn't it selfish? It sound nonsense but it could be true.

     At times when you get too close or attach to someone you will tend to reveal everything about yourself. At the end of the day they will not like you and leave or even worse they pretend to like you but they not. Anything is possible. Maybe its just best to not talk to anyone at all, because the more you talk the more your true character can be seen eventually people will hate you even more and that will make it worst. 

     I will always look at myself and think why am I so weak? I've talk about being yourself, love yourself but at the end of the day I fail to do so. I want to be independent but I cant. Why do you have to rely on other people? Why do you cry? Why can't you be happy? Why you having anxiety? Why be a  hypocrite? All I feel now is emptiness. I'm sitting in a dark pitch world seeking for the light. The fear inside has grown larger. There is always something that you scared of but you don't know what it is? The only think I want to do now is leave all the pain behind and turn over a new leaves. Leave everything and start over. But that's impossible. No matter how fast you try to run it will always catch up with you. The only think you could do now is try to be strong and keep walking with a smile. Live your life the way you want it. Maybe one day everything will ease. InshaAllah...