Special Someone

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Ever since I enter KY the only I thought about is to change. Forget everything that had happen in the past and open a new chapter in life. The fear of never getting a friend still haunt me. The person who be my friend will end up hating me when they know the real me or they wont even bother consider me one.

     Then I met this daring girl who couldn't careless about what others thought about her. Very fun cute, adorable little girl. Try to get close to her but never had a chance to do so before. Well it doesn''t look like she wanted to be friend with me or anything. I also tried talking to her but we just couldn't find a thing that can make us friend. Well kind of like this daring girl but never dare to actually tell her that. Well when you just met someone you couldn't just go and tell her that. Right?

     But then I found away to actually get close to her and it changes my life. The person who knows me in and out. The person who has been there for me through hard times. The person I could always rely on. She will always be there. I know sometimes it hurts when she treated others in a more special way than she treated you. But you just have to learn to deal with it. As long as she still by your side it should be fine. Well I hope she will always be there. 

     Not seeing her make me think about her. When she is hurt I can feel it too. If someone hurt her I will hate that person. I dont know why? I'm clueless. We made a vow which is quite funny. But I'll keep that in mind. Maybe one day one of it could come true. The one that I am hoping to come true. But knowing her I don't think it will work. Because..... 

The struggle

Bismilahhirahmaniirahim...

Every time I want to do something great for myself there is always something that stop me. I try to be independent, I try to be strong, I try to be able to do something that can make me happy but I am just too scared. The fear grows bigger in me day by day. I am scared to walk alone out there in the open. I want to be normal. I want to talk to people. I want to be able to make myself happy and enjoy life out there. But everytime I try to step out of my comfort zone I will start to tremble and all the negative thoughts will come to mind. I want to be able to walk out there with people accepting me the way I am. To be able to walk happily out in the street. Not some weirdo who is lonely and sad. As much as I want to be someone who is confident with what they do and how they talk it just doesn't seem to work.

     I thought that this sem-break I could go out and chase after my small dream of being a model. But I'm just too scared. There is too many hurdles to face. My family and myself. I don't know how to tell them my dream into wanting to try to be a model and explore the world. They doesn't seem to like that idea. There has been a lot changes that had happen lately. There some good one and some not that interesting. To be able to confront my fear to talk to my family is my biggest challenge. I am just too scared that the result will make me feel bad. Everyday I woke up just wishing that this fear will be gone, my anxiety just flew away and I am able to chase after my dream.

     During this break I miss my friends, well not just any friends my buddies. I really need them right now. I might be a bit selfish but they always be there to help me face my fear. Comfort me in times of need. Hold my hands to give me strength and warm hugs to keep me calm and happy. Thoughts of failing is killing me. Thoughts of giving up is haunting me. Thoughts of hope is slowly fading. The thoughts of love slowly faint. Just trying to pull myself together and hope it wont break apart. 

1 problem solved

Alhamdulillah, finally the problems that has been bordering me finally solve. It was just a miss communication thing. I am so glad that everything is settled before the break. I am so happy that you are still there for me. I hope everything will go back to normal. Looking foward to spend time with you again next semester. There a few things I want to share and hope you can give me advice or atleast comfort me. Hope to see you soon.

P:S/ This is only a short pose hahahahahah....